A mommy's tale
Just as I was sitting down to write, all of a sudden, Les Jours Tristes by Yann Tiersen’s soundrack for Amelie movie was on the radio. Dropped the pencil and keyboard and rushed to find and play the album. It was since the day we were coming back from hospital with our newborn Nike that those sounds have reached upon my ears. I was at the back seat with the sleeping baby next to me, watching Athens city lights fade away. Even though my house is so close I felt like I am kissing the city goodbye…
Following days were chaotic. “It’s only natural” everybody reassured me. “Your life now changes for good”. But while sitting among breast pumps and dirty diapers, in the few moments of the day that my thinking wasn’t blurred, the little voice in my head kept asking : “You will write again. Won’t you?”
I am not the kind of woman who looked forward to becoming a mother. According to societal norms I was late to the motherhood game-39 years old-and lucky to have played it without trouble. A kind of luck I was too sleepless to realise back then. I had just finished my Msc in Fashion studies, thesis composition pending, and dreamt of creating fasfem.com. These were parts of my the dreamlife I wished to create for myshelf. I was collapsing to the idea of giving it all up. “Fashion and culture through feminist lens”. How on earth does this feel relevant while googling about breast feeding tips and going back to work 20(!) days after delivering?
There comes to mind an older statement by Marina Abramovic who confessed to have gone through three abortions because she was convinced that becoming a mother would put an end to her artistic endeavors. So this is where it came to. We have created a world where women have claimed their rights after decades of feminist battles and at the same time time are sent back to 1950 the moment they become mothers. They are forced to deal with delimmas and proconceptions that no man - and sometimes even childless women - ever have to in the course of their lives. Academic Andrea O’Reilly had to create the term “matricentric feminism” about this and point out the gap in the feminist theory concerning motherhood and the way it is perceived by society. Because “women have been oppressed by patriarchy both as women and mothers”. She was referring to all mothers, not just the biological ones.
And now come to mind pregnant Slick Woods walkin down the catwalk at the Rihanna Savage x Fenty NYFW September 2018 fashion show. A glowing godess who few hours after the show gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Radiating creativity and power. Stating she “can do whatever she wants”. Of course she can. She just delivered a complete human being to this world.
Women as mothers - according to behavioral neuroscience - develop ecxeptional resilience and out of the box thinking skills. Their creativity is at a peak moment with intuition and empathy following along. But society chooses to ignore these traits and trap new mothers into a never ending role exchanging game. Instead of supporting them providing care and facilities, new mothers are forced to fit into molds out of their shape, burdened with guilt, denied the right to express their unique identities. Just to become “good mothers” whatever that means.
With few delays and lots of support from my loved ones, I managed to complete my thesis. With much more delays and guilt for stealing away precious time with my daughter, fasfem.com was launched. I realised that when I allow whatever feels natural to me be expressed I become a better mother. And as a mother I am more creative and effective. Because time is limited so I do my best with what I have. After that, I enjoy returning to my family and smile. A smile that nearly got lost for good. So I am commited from now on to talk about these staff bacause someone has to in order to witness real change.
The album stopped playing. How majestic the music of Yann Tiersen! I am thinking…in an imaginary scenario of a sequel of Amelie the heroine could become a mother. Is it possible for her to stop being this sensitive creature who spread the joy all around, to lose her identity, just because she had to take care of a little baby? I wonder….
Credits:
This essay was firstly published on ELLE Greece magazine, March 2021 issue, as part of the article “Φωνές Γυναικών” .
Drawing “Radiant Milk” by Hein Koh.
Helmstedt
As long as I can remember myself obsessioning over fashion, one thing has never ceased to amaze me; artful expression on the textile. There is something thrilling on watching plain canvas to transfrom into a wearable piece of material.
There is a creative lady up in the North who uses her brushes and fingers as magical wands. Whatever they touch - be it paper, clay or fabric - gets transformed into poetic version of matter. Matter we can use. Matter - in case of fabric - we can actually wear :
This fairy of a designer is Emilie Helmstedt, creator of the awarded brand Helmstedt.
In her Copenhagen based studio her collections coexist with papier -mâché sculptures and poems. As you can she from the gallery above her creations are unexpected sometimes yet so delightful! All prints are handpainted by her before transported onto fabric. Dreamy dresses, every day objects and huge sculptures are giving us an optimistic view of this world, world where we:
“Take care of not only ourselves and each other, but also cherish the environment.”
Emilie is only 27 years old and already highly recognized in contemporary fashion scene as a very creative and talented disigner. Here you can she the cover page she created for ELLE Danmark January 2021 edition. It has a message of hope and creativity hidden at the center of it…can you spot it?
Yes, Emilie is bringing a child to this world this April…
What I find really hopeful in the development of Helmstedt is that one of the brand’s main interests is stable growth and a humanist approach to the way they do business. For example, due to covit pandemic situation, they created the line ‘Staycation’ last August with reduced prices so as to be more affordable to all brand’s lovers worlwide.
I will leave you now to enjoy Emilie herself describing you the way she finds inspiration and creates:
Les Fleurs Studio
Captured by the thumbnail picture above? I myself need a few moments to pause and inhale its beauty…That’s the way I feel every time I get into Les Fleurs Studio universe. The colours, the light on the pictures, the music background on the videos, the curation of the editorials…yes Maria Bernard has made an entire universe all by herself.
A universe where diversity and the environment are well respected and celebrated. A celebration you definetely want to be part of. Les Fleurs has a collaborative nature and it evolved from a marketplace for products Maria has herself designed, to a collaborative social and retail platform. Designers and Maria are provided with visibility in order to communicate their sustainable message:
“ We don’t produce.
We reuse.”
Usage of pre existing materials, reconcepting the vintage tailoring and curating edits of archive and vintage are few of this brand’s actions that pave the way to reclaiming the term sustainability. Here is a small collection of their products to pure enjoyment of your senses:
I find what Maria does so promising in addition to its artistic allure. Here we have a gorgeous 25 year old lady with a huge following on social media. She could just relax and enjoy styling her selfies wearing the tons of free staff that influencers of her magnitude receive every day. Instead she chose to leave Madrid - Maria is Spanish - move to Paris, design her on line and create a space for real aspiration and connect with her peers, giving them the oppurtunity to reach out to a bigger audience. People who are true artists and have strong work ethics inspite of their smaller following on social media…
Would love to see more of that in the next years in fashion world, especially in my country Greece, where so many talented young people - women ever more maybe - remain in the shadow. It reminded me one of the reasons fasfem was created in the first place. Do you agree with me?
Fasfem listens: Sugahspank!
I remember the first night I met Georgia Kalafati aka Sugahspank! …it was a tribute night to Django Reinhardt at Gagarin 205 several years ago. I was a little tired and my head heavy from midday drinks.
And there she came…a marvelous creature in a floral dress with messy hair embellished with flowers. Oh and she sang allright! The stage was full of her and nothing could make us look otherway..
I have been following this charismatic lady ever since. She is passionate and socially active in addition to being really talented as you can see here. I leave you to enjoy my little playlist …until the next live!
Credits :
photograph by Thanasis Karatzas
Riot pant project
Manspreading…
the practice whereby a man, especially one traveling on public transportation, adopts a sitting position with his legs wide apart, in such a way as to encroach on an adjacent seat or seats.
Did you even know the existence of such word?! I googled it allright… But the actual feeling that goes with it is quite familiar to me. This pressure when a man is sitting next to us and taking up our vital space; physically or/and socially.
Mina Bonakdar and Elena Buscaino decided to do something about it. The fashion and graphic designer students at Universität der Künste Berlin had a great idea for a quiet yet effective riot against toxic masculinity. They invite us to choose our favorite pair of pants and give it to them to print the following messages :
STOP SPREADING
TOXIC MASCULINITY
GIVE US SPACE
…….on the pant’s crotch!
So whenever you decide to stretch your legs a feminist message is revealed. A great way to make yourself visible, your annoyance communicated while having a sence of humor as well. The pant itself becomes a means of protest. The place of the print is radical and two dimensional; you can choose either to hide or reveal it however you feel like. Even when hiding it, a sence of empowerment kisses your genitals….
In a world that denies equal rights to womxn and queer since forever and in an industry that lacks ethos and representation, projects like that are really promising and refreshing. Fashion has the power to transform and is radical in its core…so why not become a tool for activism?
"I want a wife"
I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother.
Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is obviously looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?
I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife to keep track of the children’s doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children’s clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturant attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife’s income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.
I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and change of scene.
I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife’s duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.
I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life.
When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will take care of the babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us.
And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.
I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as possible.
If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.
When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife’s duties.
My God, who wouldn’t want a wife?
